Ok Americans, I know you’re proud of your little bohemian country and you think you da’ bomb and all that but I am here to set you rednecks straight. You aren’t. You are the red (necks), white (trash) and blue (collar) members of the United States of Assholes.

And with your decline into the cesspool of crackbabies and Lindsay Lohans multiplying at an alarming rate it’s time to formulate an escape plan. I feel your pain, no really I do. Oh wait, I don’t because the city I live in has been rated the best place in the world to live. Again. Ride dirty bitches!!